I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
