I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
