Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
