We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
