Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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