You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
