Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
