so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
