Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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