This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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