Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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