You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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