I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
