I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
