Your mouth is God's brothel.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize