awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
