Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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