After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
