I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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