he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Found your dick twin last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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