New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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