question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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