I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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