overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
