i was born a porn star she said
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
