I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize