Already got asked if we're dating
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
