i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
