I'm lost and stupid without you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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