thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
