sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
