It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
