Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize