So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
