he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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