If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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