do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
