dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
