We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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