Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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