i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
