is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
