oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
