I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
