His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
