What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
