I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
