My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
