Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
