She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
