ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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