She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girls should come with a carfax report
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
