Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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