people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
