just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
