waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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