also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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