I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hippo gnu deer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
