He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This house was built for laser tag.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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