are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I checked into jail on foursquare
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
