I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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