we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sext me about skeletons
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
