LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
