How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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